Pushed Too Far

One would think that after twenty-four years of marriage that DaPoet’ wife would have learned to leave her husband alone whenever he became depressed. To back off and let him have his space whenever he became super quiet, touchy and irritable. To put aside, at least for the moment, her own incessant demands and unreasonable expectations and allow her husband to deal with whatever was bothering him and return to normal.

Of course one would be wrong in that assumption for just like his parents, siblings, relatives, so called friends, employer, his son as well as everyone else that DaPoet had ever known during his life. DaPoet’ wife was one of those women who truly believed that she had the absolute right to insist on demanding what was her’s by right. That her husband  at least meet, if not exceed her expectations, while steadfastly refusing to at least meet him halfway in regards to his expectations that he had for her as his wife.

Everything came to a head one Sunday morning as DaPoet quietly attempted to come to terms with always being forced to meet everyone else’s expectations of him. While having to live with the fact none of those he knew and interacted with on a daily or regular basis felt absolutely no obligation to meet his.

Instead of allowing her husband to work alone on his computer within the spare bedroom DaPoet had converted into an office. DaPoet’ wife had insisted on getting her way sparking a fight that sent her husband fleeing from their home in her car. Running an errand that his wife had insisted upon; a mistake that could have cost her everything she’d come to depend on that made her life comfortable.

When DaPoet had married his wife he’d taken her from a home where she’d never had enough to eat. Having forced herself to eat as little as possible of the cheap and ultra greasy foods that was all her mother could afford on the little bit of money her father provided. Who spent the fall and winter months laying about the house drinking beer and smoking cigarettes while watching television until his money ran out just before the arrival of spring.

Providing a stable environment for his wife where she could take the time to figure who she was and whoever she wanted to become. DaPoet had taught his wife how to grocery shop and drive a car taking her down to the Georgia State Patrol office himself. Where he proudly watched as his wife put into practice everything he’d taught her by  passing both the written exam and actual driving test with flying colors.

His hopes of his wife ever showing her gratitude for all that he’d done for her throughout the years having been dashed like a glass against the side of a boulder many times too many. Was more than DaPoet could take right at that moment as he put in his favorite Elton John cd into the cd player and set it to play Crocodile Rock over and over again with the volume turned all the way up. Then spun out of the driveway and headed for the nearby interstate highway which was the closest thing to flying close to the speed of light in his star fighter that DaPoet could come to at such short notice.

Turning onto the entrance ramp for the expressway DaPoet punched the accelerator, pushing it all the way down onto the floor. The odometer needle already resting on a hundred mph by the time he shot out onto the interstate driving like a bat out of hell as he was known to fly. Just like he’d often shot out of the launching bay of the star carrier at the beginning of a battle in order to  engage the enemy star fighters and their pilots out to kill his ship.

Zipping around slower traffic DaPoet refused to slow down  as the odometer needle climbed to one hundred and twenty mph and continued upwards. Until at last the needle reached and passed the top speed of one hundred and forty miles an hour as the engine stopped accelerating and settled down into maintaining it’s current speed.

DaPoet settled back into the seat letting the speed boil off his anger while ignoring the blur of the scenery flashing past his windows. His right thumb tapping the steering wheel over and over again as if he were pressing the firing button  located on top of his star fighters joystick. As his imaginary phaser’s turned enemy star fighter after star fighter into bright fireballs in his mind. As DaPoet fought desperately with the decision as to wether or not to crash head on into the rapidly approaching bridge abutment.

By the time DaPoet had made up his mind and looked up into his rearview mirror to see the flashing blue lights of the Georgia State Patrol car pursing him. The bridge abutment had already flashed past as enough of the intense anger his wife had inspired bled off allowing the crisis to safely pass for the time being.

But as DaPoet carefully applied the brakes, slowed down and pulled over onto the side of the road. He’d decided to reenlist for another tour in the star fighter force and risk his life in the war currently being fought for control of the solar system. Only this time DaPoet knew in his heart that one way or another there was no way in hell that he’d come back. This time around  there’d be no heroic return for he’d made up his mind that he wouldn’t be coming home.

DaPoet’ Last Flight

For as long as DaPoet could remember
normal as everyone else he just wanted to be
yet it was DaPoet’ fate to be different
never to be fully accepted or even understood

All DaPoet ever really truly wanted
was to be both loved and understood by one person
yet that was even too much to ask
exhausted from banging his head against the wall

For the woman who held DaPoet at night
loved DaPoet she did though she’d never understand him
while the one woman who actually understood DaPoet
lived light years away nor would she ever love him

Now as DaPoet stood next to his star fighter
at long last he’d had enough and had finely given up
in his heart he knew as he looked around the hanger bay
his last poem he’d composed his last line he’d written

Without saying goodbye into the cockpit he climbed
launched out into the star filled void without looking back
within moments into his very last battle DaPoet flew
his heart torn in half and shredded into tiny pieces

Once in the heat of battle DaPoet calmly flew
with the confidence of the ultimate fate he’d chosen
waiting patiently till the battle became a free for all
it was only then that the DaPoet made his last move

Lining his sights upon the enemy super star destroyer
with his guns blazing into the very maw of hell
intentionally DaPoet flew his engines at full power
with one goal in mind he bore down upon his chosen target

As the super star destroyers super charger lasers
sought to swat DaPoet like a mosquito
to smear him into a flash of light among the stars
yet never had a chance for the force was with DaPoet

Straight into the jaws of death DaPoet intentionally flew
throwing back his head he laughed in the face of death
unafraid for once feeling like he was actually alive
as he spit right in the devils eye bearded the loin in his den

Through the shields of the super star destroyer he flew
like a hot butter knife slicing through melted butter
the gunners desperate shots never even coming close
as into the very heart of the enemy ship DaPoet crashed

A moment later there was an intense flash of light
as DaPoet’ one man craft carried out it’s final mission
the super star destroyer along with her entire crew
disappearing forever into the fiery furnace of a super nova

Just as quickly as the new sun appeared in deep space
burned to a cinder it faded away into nothing
leaving behind twisted wreckage and a body or two
taking DaPoet along with it who in a bright flash was gone

Finding at last the rest for years he’d been seeking
going out in a blaze of glory for which he’d be remembered
disappearing into the very fabric of space
with his life he’d defended till at last he felt nothing at all

Four Years Later

Four years after the fiery explosion that destroyed the super star destroyer resulting in the official death of Dapoet. As well as bought a conclusive end to the war for control of the solar system. Three years after the birth of DaPoet’ and Orianna’ son Dabir, named for his father, and one year after the birth of their daughter Orianna who was named after her mother. Orianna and DaPoet lay next to each other upon their backs just outside their mountain home watching the fluffy white clouds float lazily overhead.

This was the quiet time that DaPoet and Orianna always made the time to spend together each day after their children had been laid down for their naps. Especially during the warm spring and summer months when they could lay outside on the grassy hillside. The cool mountain breeze caressing their bodies as they gazed up into the sky.  Rarely did they speak to each other as they were lost in their own thoughts and  both were secure enough in their relationship that they didn’t need to say I love You on a constant basis.

Indeed the love that Orianna and DaPoet shared for each other really didn’t need to be expressed in words. Since they could both could see the love expressed clearly in the eyes of their life partner whenever they chanced to gaze into each others eyes which was as often as possible. Plus DaPoet and Orianna willing kept themselves busy meeting each others emotional, physical and sexual needs. While giving to each other without taking or demanding anything from the other that neither wanted to willingly give. That they really didn’t need to say I Love You or other wise remind each other of their love on a constant basis.

Living in the moment and for each other yet taking the life that they were building together one day at a time. Their lives closely resembling a line that DaPoet had once written and that Orianna liked so well: “Life is best when like a poem it is written one line at a time.” And indeed the life that Orianna and DaPoet were building together was like a never ending love poem as their love for each grew ever stronger and deeper each and every day. Their love blossoming like a perpetual Rose in a never ending spring much like the roses that Orianna tended in her garden that DaPoet and planted for her. That allowed them to weather the storms and life’s crisis that would have torn any other couple apart and destroyed their marriage. Especially those who were less committed to each other or who had never learned to give without taking and constantly made unreasonable demands of their life partner.

Nor did Orianna and DaPoet take each other for granted each allowing the other the space they needed to be alone with their thoughts. Which was why the loving couple enjoyed laying quietly on their backs out in their front yard gazing up into the sky sometimes holding hands and sometimes resting their heads on their hands. For in this way DaPoet and Orianna could each be alone with their thoughts and still enjoy the physical closeness of being together even though their minds were a million miles or more away.

This time DaPoet thought back to the time he’d visited one of his teachers, an older gentleman who’s name was Archie  Plummer a friend of the young and aspiring poet’ grandparents. Who’d shown a sincere interest as well as attempted to mentor DaPoet during a time when he really needed a man in his life that he could look up to and admire as a role model.

Sitting on a couch in his former friend and mentors home DaPoet had politely listened to Archie relate how he couldn’t see what his wife saw in him. That he was so undeserving of her love that the much older gentleman just couldn’t  understand why his wife had stayed with him all these years. Much less treated him with respect as well as gave him the love that deep inside Archie in the most secret place of his soul, he’d chosen at that moment to reveal to DaPoet, really and truly didn’t believe he deserved.

Archie did of course deserve his wife’s love and respect having earned it as well as demonstrated his worthiness many times over throughout their marriage. For if his former mentors wife had been like many of the women in DaPoet’ mothers generation as well as many of the women the aspiring poet would meet throughout his own life. She would have surely left him long ago if Archie had proven as undeserving as he thought he was.

And so way back then when DaPoet (admitted to himself) was young, stupid and willfully blind to the much larger picture of life. The young aspiring poet’  focus concentrated primarily on the small role that he himself was playing in the grand scheme of things. DaPoet had actually thought to himself that his former teacher and  mentor had at last turned into just another old fool. Who’d slowly become a mere shadow of his former self as he grew older but not necessarily wiser and mellowed out.

Yet now as DaPoet lay next to Orianna on the grassy hillside outside their isolated mountain home. A tear leaked out of DaPoet’ right eye and slowly rolled down his cheek soon followed by another tear and then another. As for the first time in his life DaPoet admitted quietly to himself that not only had his former friend and mentor been right after all. But that he himself had been both wrong and a fool as well on that day so long ago.

For today at this very moment the realization had at last hit DaPoet with the full force of a sudden and quite unexpected  summer storm. The wind and rain cleansing his soul as at last with his heart at rest and his mind at ease. DaPoet came to terms with his past life reconciling it with the life he was now living with the love of his life. That the way his former teacher and mentor felt about his wife was the exact same way that he felt about Orianna and always would no matter how long they both should live.

Vowing to himself that he’d never ever intentionally let Orianna down or hurt her in any way. That he’d willingly spend the rest of his life striving to be the man that he saw reflected in the soft blue eyes of his dearest and best friend that Dapoet knew he’d ever have.