How I Gave Away Everything And Ended Up With More
By Christine OKelly | October 6, 2008
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For the last few years, I’ve been really freakin’ irritated with myself for not living up to my full potential. Know the feeling? Perhaps the worst part about achieving ‘some’ level of success is that once I had something to lose, I was hesitant to gamble it all – especially after having experienced the hell of rock bottom.
Don't Let Your Dreams Die
But eventually, the dull, nagging torture of knowing that I was purposefully limiting myself because I was ‘comfortable’ became more unbearable than the risk of hitting rock bottom again. And that’s when the blogging stopped a few months ago. That’s when I pushed in all my chips and gambled my entire business, my work, my clients – everything – in the hope of coming up even better than before. And it paid off.
My freelance business was great – it paid my bills and allowed me to lead a comfortable life. But I felt more like my own employee than an entrepreneur, which is my true passion. Several conversations with time management coach Dave Navarro gave me the opportunity to voice what I knew needed to be done for quite some time…
If I truly wanted to follow my dreams, I was going to need to make some major changes. I needed to stop tiptoeing around this buzzing hive of fears and passions and anxieties and emotions that had been brewing within myself. I was going to have to purposefully shake things up, and face whatever came out of it.
There’s Never a ‘Right’ Time
In order to grow, I needed to expand my team. I wanted someone who was just as vested in the success of the business as I was – a 50/50 business partner. I also needed to build a writing team and stop doing all of the work myself. That meant that where I was earning 100% of profits, I would now be earning 25%. That meant that my income was going to instantly be cut by 75% and we would need to get four times as much business just so that I could get back to ground zero.
I was not really in the financial position to ‘logically’ do this – so financial stability is not really an excuse to avoid action. I’m a single mom and the only income earner. I had only a small amount of savings – just barely enough to scrape by for a month. But I decided to practice what I preach here on this blog – to take stand and stop existing and start living an amazing life. To go on a quest to hunt down and expose my deep dark challenges the only way truly possible – to TAKE ACTION.
I was not really in the emotional position to do this either. My ex-husband and I were breaking up AGAIN. He had come back at some point and we tried to ‘work it out.’ That became volatile fast and he left – but that was for the best. I met new people, made new friends enjoyed the human side of life that I’d been purposefully avoiding by burying myself in work.
Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design. ~Jim Rohn
(Thanks to Timothy Carter for posting this quote on Twitter at the exact moment I was finishing this paragraph on taking action to create your own happiness.)
The Rocky Road of Business Growth
If you’re a lover of life and a dreamer and you refuse to go down easy, if you refuse to settle for less than you know you can achieve, then there will be rocky times. Because you’ve GOT to take risks to get the rewards. And sometimes those risks pay off and sometimes they don’t. And even when you win the war, you may lose some of the battles along the way but that can’t get you down.
Life and Love is a Heavy, Heavy Load
There were days when I would stand out on my porch looking out at the mountains thinking… what have I done? I’m doing more work and making less money… I’m not doing the creative work I envisioned…. Where is this going? What am I going to do with my life? Everything that was once comfortable is now foreign… This sucks….
I don’t know who I am anymore…
What got me through these days was having the best business partner I could ever ask for. Maybe you feel like I once did – until I had this revelation, I never considered having a 50/50 business partner for a myriad of reasons – but none of them logical. Life is a rocky, rocky road, and having someone that I trust and respect and genuinely LOVE to work with who is just as vested in our success and has the same goals has made all the difference in the world. Thank you Tara!
When we started our journey we had a long-term vision and a short-term plan. The long-term vision was our PASSION. The short-term plan was our vehicle to achieving the vision. What’s interesting is that the short-term plan has changed gears many times. In fact, our short-term plan of attack is nothing at all like we intended it to be in the first place. We reevaluated it constantly – and shifted gears based on instinct and constant weekly reflection.
I believe that it is a result of this constant reflection and willingness to adapt as necessary that we reached our first goal of quadrupling our gross profits in just 3 and a half months.
Lesson Learned: Don’t be afraid when things don’t turn out just as you thought they would. Just roll with the punches and correct your balance as necessary. It’s silly to continue doing something that isn’t working.
Our long-term vision has remained constant. Today we have the means to begin taking action on that vision. Literally, just TODAY we pulled the trigger on the first step in our long-term vision plan.
Is Your Refusal to Give Up Control Holding You Back?
Though I don’t necessarily consider myself a serious control freak, the fear of giving up control was more powerful than the potential of earning more money doing something I would enjoy more. By “control” I mean:
- Control of a predictable routine
- Control of predictable problems
- Control of a predictable income
- Control of feeling in control
Even though I wasn’t entirely satisfied with all of these things I was controlling, the fear of losing these things held me back from making a necessary change that was begging to be made for far too long. It turns out that the things I thought I controlled were controlling me. They were keeping me from moving on. By letting go of those things, and making some calculated but uncertain risks, I am happier, wealthier, and more excited about the future than ever before.
Are there things that you know need to be done in order to begin the journey toward living up to your full potential? If you’re not doing these things… why?
Topics: Business Development |
55 Comments »
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Welcome back to blogging Christine!
We missed you.
One of my fav quotes is “Sacrifice = giving up a thing of less value to gain a thing of higher value.” - Paul Lemberg
So thank you for taking a chance and turning your life around. And then telling us about it and being an inspiration to us all.
Thank you Anke! What a great quote - It gets me thinking… When in life will anyone ever trade you something of higher value for something of lesser value? This seems to be something that we can only give to ourselves - if we won’t take a chance on ourselves… who will?
I missed you Anke! I missed blogging badly - glad to be back!
Girl, your presence spans the vacancy.
I subscribe to dozens of Blogs and every now and then go down through the list and weed out some that are no longer of interest or that seem to have dropped off the planet.
Every time I came to yours, I would pause and then leave it in place. “I know she will be back some day…”
Welcome home, we all missed you.
Rich
Rich! Thanks for stickin’ with me!! It’s great to be back :)
I had the same opinion Rich - I’m guessing there were a lot of us out there going through the same thing.
Thanks Lee - OMG - I love PhotoStacker! I’m looking forward to that Mac version - Let me know what it comes out!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!
She’s back.
(and make sure you don’t vanish again for that long…)
Welcome home, chica.
Steve
Hi Steve!! Lol - You rock… Thank you!
Welcome back to blogging! And what a great post to start out with. I started exploring a venture with a 50/50 business partner only a couple of weeks ago. We have achieved more in those weeks than either of us would’ve on our own.
This post really strengthens me in my belief that this is the right way to go. Good to have you back Christine!
That is GREAT to hear Lode - Having a great 50/50 business partner has been better than I ever imagined. You have confirmed what I realized - that the energy and focus of 2 people is not just double… it’s exponential!
My advice to anyone thinking of partnering would be to go with your instinct when choosing someone. I lucked out - but apparently there are some who haven’t! Bill Zanker (who co-authored Think Big and Kick Ass with Donald Trump) says that half the time he runs his business by going with his gut instinct. I think we know what we need to do most of the time… It’s just a matter of whether or not we listen to ourselves!
Congrats on your venture - Keep us posted on the progress!!
Welcome back!! You said you had something big planned in the near future, and you were right!! Glad to see that you’re taking the reins and leading your life where you want it to go. That’s just awesome!!
PS. I’ll let the couple little errors slide, since this is your first post in a while :)
Hey Jason - thanks for the encouragement! Send me an email and bring it on! :D
I just came home for lunch to find this nice surprise in my email. I’m glad you are back. But more importantly, I’m excited for you. I have always been an entrepreneurer at heart (have had three small businesses)and love to hear success stories from others who are living the dream. Good luck Christine!
Thank you Cheri! We entrepreneurs need to stick together! I want to hear more about your (ad)ventures!
Dark night of the business soul, that. Great realizations, and great to have you back.
Naomi - you have been rockin’ girlfriend - holy crap! You may not have heard from me much lately - but I’ve been following your success - congrats!!
I’m so glad you’re back! You were one of my inspirations to start a blog, and like others, I left you in my RSS reader even after months of no new posts.
Blogging has been AMAZING for me, and I’m so glad there are those like you who are showing us the way.
By the way, I added you on Twitter - I’m ericabiz.
-Erica
Thanks for sticking with me Erica! Your blog looks awesome - hope you are having fun with it! I just added you on Twitter too :D
Same as Rich above.. I just wanted to believe you’d be back…
Welcome back!
Thanks Jon! I would have replied sooner… but I’ve been hooked playing that Bubble Shooter game on your blog!! Thanks so much for the kind words :D
let go of your mouse and step away from the blog!
what am i saying?! go back to the blog, go back to the blog…..
Hey Christine, let me add my cry of welcome back! So glad you’re sharing with us again, I hope that you will continue to do so with your new venture.
As always it’s fantastic to have someone who’s further ‘down the tunnel’ than I to look towards and see that progress ‘towards the light’ can be made!
It’s been 11 months since I quit my job now and I am aware that I am still hovering around some of my fears and issues - but I’ve recently started to actively poke around (gently) and look forward to jumping in completely soon(ish).
Do keep posting - as you can see I need all the encouragement I can get.
James (@Dancing_geek)
11 months - wow James! This is just about when things start to get fun. I think it takes at least that long to ‘unlearn’ what we’ve been programmed about the world of earning money by working for others. Congrats on almost one year of paving your own path!!
It’s crazy the amount of ‘un-learning’ that I’ve had to go through but it’s great to see some results start to show. It helps with keeping the faith as it were.
I’m a big fan of celebrating the successes, big and small, so make sure you have a big knees-up as you start to work on the dream!
Can I ever relate to being afraid to give up control. I think I would be less fearful if only my lifelihood and future were at stake. I am quite concerned that if I take too big of a risk that it will impact my wife and kids in an adverse manner. I love how you address passion. I used to think that only a select few actually got to have a career that taped into their desires and fulfilled their passions. I don’t believe that anymore. Taking the first step to start a blog and actually publish my writing was big for me. But it has been one of the greatest things I’ve done for years. Who knows what’s in store for me next. But thanks to people like you who also have the courage to make mistakes and post them for the world to read, I trust that there are great things in store if I’m willing to take some risks. Thanks for this great post of wisdom.
I hear ya B. Wilde! I used to think what you thought too - that exceptional lives were for ‘other’ people that had something I didn’t. I don’t believe that anymore either and it is so incredibly empowering.
I absolutely love that letter to your daughter… what a powerful argument she made! And your response was so humorously heartwarming - thanks for the smile!
Welcome back!
This is a brilliant post and reminds me that it’s better to push through the fear as there is usually something of value on the other side.
Thanks for sharing your journey and I wish you all the best with this endeavour.
Thank you Dee! What a great observation… any change is scary - but pushing through fear is really the only way to achieve change. Perhaps we need to learn to feel differently about fear - to enjoy it for what it is… :D
Wow! I was hoping everything was OK, but it looks like everything is much better than OK! Great to have you back!
Hey Hunter! You’ve been putting out some awesome stuff! I’m glad to hear that you’re happily laid off and now a Problogger!
Wow, you came back deep! Glad to see you back and better than ever!
Thanks Avid Writer - wow! I’m really working to push past some major (invisible) personal boundaries in the coming year and hope to chronicle the adventure. BTW - love your blog!!
Hey Christine!
Don’t want to copy the 20-plus other people that just welcomed you back but…..welcome back :)
Great article…. I love your vulnerability. I wish I could be so open….something to work on I guess. Keep up the great work and check your reader soon, I’ll be blogging again in the next fewdays/week or so!
Good luck and congratulations on pursuing your true vision!
Hey Conrad!! One of the things I LOVE about your writing is your vulnerability. After reading just a few posts, I just felt like I knew you so well and was so inspired. Hope your journey is coming along well - really looking forward to seeing more of your writing :D
Great to see you back! I have also been leaving your blog in my reader in the hope I’d see posts again. Ever since reading your article on achieving ridiculous goals I’ve been completely hooked. :)
I’m glad your leap worked for you and great to see you’re back to blogging!
Rose - thank you for sticking with me! I wondered if anyone would still be around! Congrats on the new baby!!!!
Hi Christine! I missing you so much! Your articles are great and I feel passion when reading them! By the way, keep walking and never miss your dreams ok? Best regards from Brazil!
Marcos - those are sage words… thank you!!
Hi Christine, I’m so pleased to see you back blogging. I was wondering how you were. Once again, another inspirational post.
welcome back! Nice to hear things are going well. Like you I have spent the past few months contemplating my business and decided at last there are pieces I was taking on that I simply couldn’t do anymore. While I do not have a business partner, I sought out the help of others to help in various aspects of my business - not getting help was holding me back tremendously and I got tired of it. I understand what you’re saying!
Good luck with all of the “new”!
yeah! i knew you’d be back!!! and with a vengeance, as well!! good for you. awesome come-back post!
Welcome back, and congrats on your accomplishments! This post was very timely for me - I appreciate you being so candid.
Your fans love you Christine =)
Glad to see things are working out. Hope you keep up the ‘anti’-settling!
Hey Christine - so nice to see you back and writing some damn fine stuff!! I am still trying to take in everything in that post so I am bookmarking it and coming back for another read. :)
Hope you are doing well.
MH
Christine, it so so great to see you back. You were missed, lady.
You are an inspiring human being. Thank you for following your own instincts. Thank you for being a humble student and a kick-ass teacher.
take care,
ebele.
It’s you!!
Ok, now I’ll read the post :P
Christine,
My heart jumped today when I saw you back to blogging. You are a wise gal. Great to hear you are back.
Hi Christine - Thanks for coming back. I feel terrible but i thought you’d gone for good and I removed you from my reader last week. I figured you were probably snowed under in your business. But I read on Erica’s blog that you were back.
I’m glad it’s going well. And it sounds like you are your business partner are moving in the right direction. And I’m really looking forward to hearing more about your plans and goals.
And now your ex has gone things will get better. I know it sounds awful - but my business really improved when I got rid of my ex. A bad relationship can really affect your business in bad way.
It sounds like Dave’s time management course really helped you a lot. I can remember when you first began it. How long did the course take?
This is awesome. Just awesome. I completely understand the feeling of missing my potential, and the feeling of existing instead of living. I don’t have much to add, since you’ve done a fantastic job with this, but this was so inspiring. Thank you!
@ Andy, Erin, Lisa, Jeff, Mark, Ebele, Joshua - thank you - you probably don’t realize how much your kind words mean to me…
@ Bunk - Hey Bunk!! Glad to see that YOU are back!!
@ Stacey - I LOVE what you say here “I have spent the past few months contemplating my business and decided at last there are pieces I was taking on that I simply couldn’t do anymore” - that is so critical… I mean… how many things that we are doing NOW are we doing because we’ve always done them rather than because they are the best things to do.
@ Cath Lawson - I don’t blame you Cath! Lol - I love when you say that your business really improved when you “got rid of your ex” - I think that the people we’re around can actually be poisonous to us.
@ Sara at On Simplicity - Isn’t that a draining feeling - and one that is always looming in the back of your mind?!? And there is only one way that I know of to get rid of it!
I love this post, mostly because I totally get it. I’ve spent a long time “on the precipice of something really big.” At least that’s how I feel…like at any moment I’ll take the fateful leap and the an amazing world of success (beyond that I already comfortably manage) will appear. Thanks for sharing your journey..it may be just enough to push me over the edge - in a good way. :)
Thank you for being so candid Michele! I didn’t think I was the only one that felt this way… LOVE your blog!!
Yayyy you’re back! I just sent you an email but I wanted to leave a comment here too. So excited to hear about your new successes and so glad that you’re okay!!
Thank you Leslie!! Your blog is just as awesome as ever… love the latest Wicked Satisfying experience of pressing cookie cutters into cookie dough - you have such a vivid writing style!
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