I sat at the cafe table for a rather long while. I saw someone who vaguely knows me running up the stairs from the bottom floors of Borders. I saw a blonde woman taking an asian boy and wondered if he was adopted.

I’ve been wanting to see In Brudges for ages. But it’s hard to find someone to go with. And I am hoping M won’t use his self-invitation hat he suggested yesterday. I wishfully went through my girl friend list: one’s at home getting pissed (the lesbian); one’s studying for all those times she wagged for Warcraft; and the other lives too far away and is probably with her boyfriend (which led me to think that there’s more freedom for a single individual, but more possibilities and opportunities for a couple because there are two individuals).

Everyone’s tired or lazy or something. It’s difficult during exam time I know. But I just happen to be the most energetic now.
I wonder what it might look like if I implode.
My stomach will explode, my veins will be blue & red and my heart will say just before it dies, “I’ve been so good to you pumping every second for all your life don’t kill me.”

*  *  *  *
Good company of friends are important - and sometimes I feel only with a similar class. I wonder how much I’ve missed out. I wonder all these things.
Humour is important too. You can’t have good company without laughter, whether light-hearted or cracking up. During better times, M and I can get cheeky with each other and it feels like heaven. At worse times, we don’t match like two pieces of irregular puzzles.
With other people it could be just like oil and water.
I wonder if I have come to like M more than Henry.