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Oh, You've Caught Me At a Bad Time.

Hey Todd, I hope you caught the black chick that I thumbnailed yesterday. And for you guys who get into Asian chicks, here's Zhang Ziyi topless at the beach. if the name doesn't ring a bell, she's the young chick from Crouching Toger, Hidden Dragon or as I'll always remember her, the viillan chick from Rush Hour 2.

Hey Iain, this one is for you, baby!

Here's a great quote from Million Dollar Baby, by Morgan Freeman/Eddie 'Scrap-Iron' Dupris: "The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism."

There was a huge fuss over this in the Danish media, the principal of the school got fired over the incident! Sources claim he was sacked because the girls didn't actually remove their underwear and this is of course against the law in Denmark!

Ernie, As a loyal reader of your site, I finally felt it important to contribute. Before you blow it off, be sure to watch from start to finish. Yes, I know it’s a long video, but it isn’t only the porn that is worthy of mentioning. Listen to the dialog, ALL of the dialog. It is fucking GOLD! Hope you enjoy. Cheers, Brian

Hey, Ernie - Great site. Here is a link to a project I just finished up - a Robotic Bar that drives around the party serving drinks. Chicks and guys both dig him. Here is a link to " how I built it" and some video of it in action. I hope you enjoy it! jamie price

Hey Ernie, just read Don from Portland’s email from Jan 2 (yeah, I’m running a little behind) and remembered that I had something to send you. When I read your original post regarding 5 Guys Burgers, I went to their website to see if there was one close to me (Austin) or at least coming. It only showed there was one in Dallas, so I made a mental note to be sure and look it up next time I was in Big D. Then a few days ago, I heard on the radio that one just opened up here by the UT campus so I had to go try it out last Saturday. It was everything you claimed it was – and better! Phenomenal burgers! Thanks for the recommendation. Kevin.

Kevin, YOU FUCKING PUSSY! That burger is naked! Where is the relish, the raw onions, the pickles, the ketchup, the mustard, the jalapeno peppers, the A-1 sauce, and the hot sauce?!?!?!?

Hi Ernie. I know I don't contribute a lot ... while reading your site today.. it brought a question to mind that you might have a simple answer for. quite often,, but not always,, when I open http://www.ehowa.com/ all the pictures turn to red X's I have found that if I click on a link in your blog that is part of http://www.ehowa.com/ like http://images.ehowa.com/phonecam/20081228183329.jpg , instead of that link opening with the translucent black background.. it will re-open the home page http://www.ehowa.com/ and all the red x's turn into the pictures. I run a laptop with MSIE 6.0 on windows2000pro sp4 .. I have thought of using firefox. are you aware of an issue like this? Jamie

In the event the picture is not found (404 error) or in case someone tries to hot link my images, the redirect happens. It also happens if in some unique situations if you have your browser/firewall misconfigured. Here are some quick thoughts. And for the sake of an example, we'll use the most recent cameraphone picture to test things out. If youy click on that link and like you said, no translucent background and just redirected to the main page, then try accessing it this way. if it fails there, you at least won't be redirected to the main page, and you should see a genuine red-x. Then try the suggestions under, "don't see the picture below? click here for help".

Someone put together this list of the ' Top 20 Celebrity Babes with Mouth Watering Cleavage' and I have to call bullshit on some of them. How can you include Tila Tequila but not Jessica Biel? And while Nikki Cox used to look hot, now she's all old and busted with freaky features, so how can you rank her above Scarlett Johansson? It's madness, I tell ya.

Okay, you have to choose: Do you want Samantha Summers or the Ferrari Modena 360 that she's posing with? Choose!

just fast forward to the one minute mark, trust me.

the top six new years resolutions you’ve already failed at.

one hundred and one movie one-liners that everyone should know.

not even a badly broken leg could stop the new UFC interim champ. ouchie.

the only way you can not love this dancing chick in a golden bikini, is if you are gay gay gay.

i could see myself paying $3,000 for katie holmes. the younger dawsons creek katie holmes, of course.

i scored 100% in this logic test. 100% is the highest possible score. therefore you can not be more logical than i am.

No, Not Really.

Yesterday, my laptop was stolen from my truck while I was at Wally World. Lucky for me, there was a surveillance camera mounted on the wall near where I parked, and security personnel were able to give me a pretty good image of the suspect. Now the police have asked me to circulate the picture to people I know, to see if they know or have any idea who the suspect is. Looks familiar to me but I immediately thought of you for help and would appreciate your opinion on this. If you recognize the suspect, please let me know. I am not really interested in my laptop anymore, as it is insured, but I would really like to get my hands on the person who stole it.

Remember this voice track of Diamond Dave singing Runnin With The Devil from a few months back? Well here's the Diamond Dave singing Runnin With The Devil soundboard. Pure awesomeness and it's available 24 hours.

Saw your recent phone cam pics, and I just have to ask... wtf is this!?! Love the site ~Nate

That my friend, is heaven in a to-go container; a Garbage Plate from Nick Tahoe's in Rochester, NY. Truth be told, my brother was eating it, I just posted the picture the rotten bastard sent to make me jealous. If you're ever in Rochester -- God know why you would and you'd have my condolences if you were -- but if you ever are, you simply MUST have a Garbage Plate. Two cheeseburgers with everything (they're at the top of the pic) over home fries, and baked beans (although I prefer maccaroni salad over the beans). All served up with two big hunks of prison bread you can damn near chip a tooth on. Mmm-mmmm tasty!

A photo essay on marriage. Here's a hint; it starts like this but after a few years always ends like this.

pretty awesome. turn any picture into tilt-shift photography.

johnny noxville reflects upon his long career as a serious actor.

what not to do during a job interview. who knew a 20" dong was bad?

so i found out yesterday that the soundstage for "the wire" still existed...

base jumping. on skis. that get ripped off. flying with a wingsuit. good clean fun.

hey fatass, here are twenty things you didn't know about fat, mr fatty mcfatterton.

watch lesbian videos with free signup. super definitely NSFW.

Well, I Think....

I think it's none of my fucking business how Jett Travolta died, and unless your last name is Travolta or Preston, it's none of your fucking business either. And if Scientology's views on psychology did or did not play any part in Jett's treatment, is again, none of my fucking business. I like John Travolta, I don't care who or what (if anything) he prays to as a Supreme being, so you know what ... I'm sorry for his loss. Which is weird for me because normally I don't give a shit about what celebrity's kids die. But let these folks mourn in peace.

I believe this is a truly heartwarming story of a girl and her first bunny.

I think the so called atheists who file lawsuits such as this and this aren't really atheists at all. You know why? Because true atheists don't give a shit; it's just a bunch of meaningless words to us. I've never had any problem saying the Pledge of Allegiance, "...one nation under God...", the Oath of Enlistment, "... so help me God", or spending my hard earned cash, "In God We Trust". Because I don't fucking care; as far as I'm concerned I'd be just as happy taking an oath to a turnip and swearing on a stack of blue socks. I have no problem saying, " Smite me, Oh Mighty Smiter," without fear of trtribution. Because real atheists don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. And the only reason why anyone would sue to have "God" removed from any public forum, is because secretly deep down, they really do believe in God and are just afraid to admit it.

I think that labeling the current military action between Israel/Hamas as a "conflict" would be like calling a baseball game between the Boston Red Sox and Sal's Pizza Little League Team a "friendly game." Israel is kicking the living shit out of Gaza, so it's anything but a fair fight. Having said that, Egypt knows better than to stick its fucking nose in the middle of it, because they know Israel will be glad to kick their ass too. And if the Palestinians want to garnish a little sympathy from the world at large, they may want to quit using ambulances as troop carriers because the Israelis have a different method in mind for achieving peace. But even if they didn't, there's no end in sight. I refer you to this article that I wrote back in the late summer of 2001 after my first trip to Tel Aviv -- seven years later and it's still spot on. You know why? Because nothing ever changes there. Both sides are fucking crazy.

I believe no matter what you say, tilt-shift stop motion photography is pretty fucking cool. Whether you make tiny little movies, stage tiny little deaths, or have tiny little workers hack up food. It's just fucking cool, man.

Hey Ernie, McAfee site advisor rates your site as a risk because of links to "When we tested this site we found links to freeezinebucks.com, which we found breaches browser security on our test PC." ( taken from) Just thought that you'd want to know. (PS, love the site!) --Buz...

I think that's just another reason to root for Webroot's software to protect your computer. Norton anti-virus just slows your fucking computer down to a crawl, McAfee used to be great back in the day, but they never keep their shit updated. I haven't linked to freeezinebucks in over three years and even went so far as to remove all the old links from the archives. Here, see for yourself. I've tried bringing this to the attention of the McAfee folks three or four times in an effort to set things right, but not once have I received a single reply or acknowledgement. And it looks like I'm not the only one -- as McAfee Site Advisor has received criticism for incorrectly flagging web sites with a caution or warning label. So I say fuck McAfee and go Webroot. Thanks Ben!

I think I'll start the long -- and somehow sad -- task of taking my Christmas tree down today. Slowly, this time.

david letterman's top ten gwb moments.

a look back at some of the best tits in 2008. sfw.

the 2008 freightliner 32 passenger limousine / party bus.

fred syversen and his 107 meter unintentional world record cliff jump.

watch real live amateurs perform from their homes all over the world. nsfw.

i'm a little late with this, but kara explains how to get kissed on new years, guaranteed.

...when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror. damn, i've just been pulled over...

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

top 500 worst passwords of all time.

twenty weird logos that work and why they do

motorcycle vs deer. you can guess how this one ends.

the funniest non-cat animal videos of 2008. because i hate cats.

nova chain - a game very reminiscent of the 'boomshine' chain reaction challenge.

eyesontennisballs - freakyfatcat - homedepothoes - sohowwasyournewyears - theybothlovethecock

the object of the game is to spin in your chair until you fall off then drink a cup of your favorite beverage.

amateurxxxtube4free.com - it's like youtube, only for porn. and free with signup. NSFW.

So This Is What 2009 Feels Like.

Wow. This is it. My first post of 2009. What to say, what to say.

Listen, I'd love to give you this big speech on how awesome 2009 is so far, but the truth is I'm still dragging my ass from the New Years Eve festivities. Sure, Jack Daniels is all buddy-buddy the night of, but the next morning he's not so fucking friendly, I'll tell you that. And so I'm going to turn the floor over to you folks, with some reader email I've had backed up for a little while. Enjoy listening to yourselves!

Ernie, I have visited your site off and on for several years and want to say great job and keep up the good work. Seeing Nick's "Call before you dig" pictures reminded me of some pictures I had from work. I too work for a telephone/internet company. Here are some pictures of one of our fiber optic cables. It seems delivery truck driver snagged it and pulled it off the pole. The best part was it laid in the parking lot for a few weeks before the splice case was eventually hit by a car and spilled its guts. Needless to say this made for a bad day. Enjoy! Josh

Hi Ernie, Not sure if you caught The Kennedy Center Honors on Tuesday night, but two of the Honorees were Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend. After the 9/11 attacks The Who played at the Concert for New York. That concert was a tribute to the first responders, whose spirit had risen as pure, selfless good in the face of monstrous evil. Lore has it Townshend and Daltrey were so inspired they resolved their differences and played the concert. Needless to say The Who stole the show. So, when time came to honor Daltrey and Townshend, the Kennedy Center secretly invited first responders of New York's Finest and New York's Bravest to perform for The Who, just as The Who had once performed for them. (of course no one knew they would be there, especially Daltrey and Townshend) Here's the clip of the whole tribute. The last song is Rob Thomas's version of "Baba O'Riley" accompanied by 90 members of the Port Authority Police and the NYPD along with 30 members of the FDNY, singing "Teenage wasteland, it's only teenage wasteland,"....Too Cool! Take Care & Happy New Year. Geo

Ernie: The tone-deaf idiot who sent the “Barack the Magic Negro” CD, Chip Saltsman, is a dead ringer for Quagmire. (PS: no black people are *ever* named “Chip.”) Love the site as always, glad to have helped a little for LBEH, thanks for doing both. -- best, Howard

Hi Ernie, recently 5 Guys burgers setup their first store here in Portland, OR (up at the other end of town) and on your recommendation I tried it out. Sweet Jesus titty fucking Christ they make a good burger. This morning the wife tells me that I need to check out the new strip mall that is going up right down the street and what do see? ( see attached) It's walking distance to my house but not far enough away to burn off all the calories I'm going to intake eating in there. I'll be a fat fuck by this time next year. -Don

Here Don, don't say I never did anything for you.

Hi Ernie, Love the site, it is always good for a laugh or provocation. You seem an intelligent, reasonable guy, so I thought I could ask about the concealed carry issue without instant flaming. You see, I am an Aussie. We just don't have the gun culture here that exists in the USA. I am not opposed to people owning and responsibly using firearms. It isn't for me, but nor is it my place to stop others. I am curious why you feel the need to have a concealed pistol for every day life, though. Do you carry it all the time? Is it just for Sunday best? Or do you only carry it when you see a likely need, such as wandering a bad neighbourhood at night? Maybe it is more than that, asserting the right just to maintain the right? I'd love to hear your thoughts, Iain

A clear, well thought out question with genuine curiosity behind it.... why would I flame you? Geez, I'm not a monster ya know.

A gun culture here in the USA? Let me think about that for a minute. A gun culture? Yeah, yeah I guess you could say that's true. We fought for our freedom using guns. Guns ended slavery. Guns conquered the Wild West. Guns are the reason Japan didn't try into invade the main land in World War II. And now some three hundred years after all that started, some Americans such as myself consider a handgun part of their daily attire. So while at I first I wanted to say I didn't think it was true, yeah I guess we are a gun culture after all. As for when I don't carry? Well, with the addition of the Kel-Tec I can tell you that those times are getting fewer and further between. But in addition to the places where I'm prohibited from doing so, I'll add this. I leave my fucking guns at home when I know I'm going to get my drink on.

Why I carry. If I said that among my many reasons for carrying, "because I can," wasn't on the list somewhere, then I would most certainly be lying to you. That's not to say it's my only reason -- or even in the top ten -- but yes it's there. I do believe it's my right and like many things, can melt away when not exercised regularly. But my first and foremost reason is quite simply put, for insurance. Have you ever been mugged before? I haven't. I hope not to. But so did thousands of other people who weren't so lucky. All of the pro-gun literature I've read markets carrying a concealed weapon much like an insurance policy; you hope you never need it but it's there if you do. Another clever catch phrase is, "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away." That may be over dramaticizing it a little, but you can't argue with the fundamental truth of it.

Bad neighborhoods. I don't know if it made the news down there in Oz, but this past Christmas a guy went fucking nuts and after dressing as Santa Claus went on a shooting spree that left his ex-wife and eight of her friends and family members dead. These poor fuckers who had absolutely nothing to do with this guy's marriage, just showed up to a party to share some eggnog and give away a blender, and end up getting their chips cashed in by some lunatic. I mean how many of those people extected a gunman to show up at their Christmas party? And you know what really freaked me out? I had just been to a few Christmas parties myself -- I mean who hasn't, tis the season and all that. But that got me to wondering; how many people at the party were divorced? Or getting divorced? Or were helping a friend through a divorce? And of course you have to stop your imagination from getting the best of you, because you don't want to turn into the suspicious asshole seeing danger behind every turn. I guess it's all about playing the odds and where you draw the line between paranoia and preparation. That might sound crazy but for those unlucky nine people in California, the paranoia became the reality.

And so much like the fire extinguisher I carry in my truck, and the flood insurance I have on my house, and the motorcycle helmet I squeeze onto my big fucking head, my two handguns join the legion of Things-I-Hope-I'll-Never-Need-But-Have-If-I-Do. So if I'm ever at a Christmas party and Santa shows up to spead a little more than just good cheer, or if someone decides my wallet would look better in his back pocket than mine, it's my hope that you won't be reading about me being described as, "victim number nine."

Huh, whaddya know, I typed an update after all. And as for Where on Earth, which was the final game challenge of 2008. I'm sorry to say that you were close Tim, but in the end it was Brett who nudged you out.

2008 in pictures, by ze' germans!

hey rusty, it looks like you're not alone.

cannonball run europe - load up. it's time to rally.

the only way you can not love this dancing chick in a golden bikini, is if you are gay gay gay.

robbie maddison's 2008 new year's eve las vegas jump in high definition.

best movie mistakes of 2008. besides going to see indiana jones to begin with.

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